1 Corinthians 7:25-35 “What Does the Bible Say about Being Unmarried?”

Introduction:
Before I met my wife Claire, I had a girlfriend with whom I was pretty serious. I had very strong feelings for her. There was one little problem though. She didn’t share those same feelings. When I expressed how I felt, she made it clear that her feelings weren’t the same and that was the end of that relationship. For several months I felt very alone and wondering if there was going to be someone in my life. Would I find someone or would I be unmarried? It was a very difficult and anxious time in my life.
And so it was with a great deal of understanding that I read a couple of questions that were submitted for the “I Have a Question” sermon series. Someone wrote, “Since I am single, what does the Bible say about those who are unmarried? What should my conduct be? How should I live in today’s society?” In a somewhat related question someone else asked, “What does the Bible say about putting the right man in your life and how will we know that it is the man that God place in my life.” What is the place of marriage and being single in the kingdom of God? In today’s Christian culture, it often seems that the emphasis is on marriage and family. And many times, single individuals feel as though they are missing something. We need to look very carefully at what the Bible says about the unmarried in the church.
Those who are single may be uncomfortable with Paul’s advice about remaining single. Nonetheless, it is important to hear what these verses say for it helps us, whether single or married, to know how we are to be living our lives in Christ’s kingdom. Let’s read 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 25-35.

I. Paul’s Advice to Singles
II. The Present Crisis
III. The Basic Principle
IV. Being Single in the Kingdom

I. Paul gives his Advice to Singles in verses 25-27.
First, it is important to notice that Paul himself calls this a “judgment.” Paul says that he has no command from the Lord on this issue. He has no direct words from Jesus to quote on this topic. He received no special or specific revelation from God on this.
However, just because it is Paul’s judgment doesn’t mean we can ignore it. Paul had God’s grace and wisdom because of God’s mercy in his life. Paul’s advice is sound and should be taken very seriously.
So, in verses 26-27, he says that his readers should stay as they are. If they are married, stay married. If they are unmarried, don’t look for a husband or wife.
Paul makes it clear that this is not a moral issue, but rather a practical issue. If a person marries, he has not sinned; rather, from a very practical perspective, those who are married will have more troubles. Now Paul is not referring to relationship problems within a marriage. Rather, troubles are the things outside of a marriage which make the marriage and life in general more difficult. They are the circumstances of life which can make life very hard.
Paul Harvey told about a woman who survived Hurricane Andrew in 1992. While Patricia Christy waited in line for food in south Florida, she vowed she was going to get out of that state. She was going to leave on the first plane out. She was determined to get as far away from the horror of hurricane damage as she possibly could and have for herself a restful vacation. Paul Harvey said that a short time later he heard from Patricia Christy. She was standing in line for fresh water in Hawaii, having just gone through Hurricane Iniki! Vacations aren’t bad, but taking a vacation during a hurricane is not a good idea.
Paul is saying that there are times when it is not a good idea to get married. Paul says that he would like to prevent them from dealing with these kinds of troubles by staying single.

II. Why does Paul give this advice? It is because of The Present Crisis.
This likely refers to a specific crisis that existed at Corinth at that time. We don’t know what the specifics of this crisis were, but evidently something was happening that was very threatening. Some think that pressure may have been coming from the Roman Empire. But it was more than just a local pressing situation.
In verses 29-31, Paul expands on the reason for his advice. Verse 29 says that the time is short. We are now living between the two comings of Jesus. Jesus came the first time when he was born in the stable. But Jesus will also come again at the end of history. We are coming closer and closer to the time when Christ comes again. When Christ comes again, this present world will end.
Paul says some rather unusual things in verses 29-31. Paul says that married people should live as if they had no spouse. Those who are mourning should live as if they were not mourning. Those who are happy as if they were not happy. Those who buy something, buy it as if it were not theirs to keep.
These are all relationships, feelings and things that are part of this present world. However, Paul’s point is that this world will not last forever; it is passing away. We should not cling to things of this world for they will not last.
For example, when I graduated from the Seminary, we lived for 3 months in a house trailer with a nice big yard on a nice lake. It would have been nice to fix up the lawn and plant a garden. But it was only temporary and it would not have been wise to invest time and money in something that was not going to last. We were only going to be there a short time and so while we enjoyed it, we didn’t become attached to it. This world and all of its pleasures and relationships are wonderful, but they are part of this world and will not last forever.
Marriage is one of those things associated with this world. Marriage is part of the created order, but not part of the eternal order. Paul is saying, “Don’t cling or be so concerned with marriage which is part of the earthly order, but focus on higher things.”
Marriage is not the most important thing in the Christian’s life. What is? Knowing God through a relationship with Jesus Christ is most important. And doing the work God has called you to do in the kingdom of God is also important. That leads to the basic principle lying underneath this discussion.

III. The Basic Principle
The basic principle is not whether being married is right or wrong, but what is going to get the work of the kingdom done most effectively. The fewer earthly concerns you have, the more you can do for the Lord.
A married person will not be able to do as much work for the kingdom. He or she has obligations and responsibilities to other people: his or her spouse and family. For example, a married person cannot serve as easily as a missionary as a single person because there is a family to care for and consider. I’m not saying it is impossible for an established family to become missionaries. It is just not as easy to do. Married people, especially those with children, cannot move from place to place helping others in disasters as easily as a single person.
This doesn’t mean that single people have all the time in the world to do all the work of the church. Certainly single people are very busy and involved in their lives. But single people do not have the extra family responsibilities and so will have more opportunities to devote to work in the kingdom. He or she doesn’t have a spouse whom they have promised to love, support and build up daily. That takes time, or at least it should. A single person doesn’t have a child and asking them to “play baseball” or “read to me.” Generally speaking, a single person has more time and opportunity to give.
Now while that is generally true for singles, what about single parents? That is really a completely different issue. A single parent often cannot give as much time as other singles or two-parent families. A single parent cannot spend as much time doing church work because all the children’s needs are focused on one parent, instead of two. And so Paul’s advice is really not applicable to single parents.
What we must remember is that Paul is offering advice as to how each person may be more devoted to God regardless of family status. Now there are going to be exceptions. Some people will work much more effectively if married than if they were single. Some single persons cannot do as much because of other obligations. But Paul’s point is that whatever status you are in, you are called to a life of following Jesus. Both married persons and single persons are called to service to their Lord.
However, remaining single is not necessarily right for all singles. In verse 7, Paul recognizes that he has the gift of celibacy, but that all may not have this gift. Those who do not have this gift are not only free to marry but are encouraged to do so. If unmarried celibacy is not your gift, don’t seek it.
Ring Magazine had an article about fighter Marvin Hagler, detailing how this champion used to psyche himself up for his fights by pounding his own gloves into his own face. New York City golden glove’s boxer Daniel Cariouso read the article and pounded his own gloves into his own face and broke his nose and the fight was canceled. Being single has advantages, but it may not be God’s will for you.
But if you are comfortable in your single status, don’t feel pressured to get married. While the church must encourage strong marriages, it must also recognize that some may have the gift of unmarried celibacy. It must not look down on singles as though they are missing something. If anything, we should look at the unmarried who have the advantage of being able to serve God more effectively.

IV. So what can we say in conclusion about Being Single in the Kingdom?
We have to address the idea that being single is somehow a problem or that something is wrong. I am certain that some do believe there is something wrong with being single. I have known some single persons who have felt that way. They felt that God was punishing them or somehow withholding His blessing on them. “If God really loved me or cared for me, He would provide a husband or a wife for me.” However, it is important to realize that God is not penalizing you by having you be single.
Yet being single does involve facing tough issues. The problem of loneliness can be very real and a source of frustration and at times depression.
Then there is the issue of sexuality. Being a single person doesn’t cancel a person’s sexual drive. Single persons often struggle with that in a world which is constantly filled with bold sexual messages wherever we look. If you feel your sexual drive is like a fire, as Paul says, you should try to marry rather than be consumed with that desire. But reserve your sexuality for the bonds of marriage.
Dr. Nancy Moore Clatworthy, sociologist, has been doing research on “living together” for 10 years. When she began her research, the idea of living together before committing yourself to marriage made good sense to her. Now, after scientifically analyzing the results of hundreds of surveys filled out by couples who had lived together, she opposes living together in any form. In fact, Yale sociologist Neil Bennett found that cohabiting women were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived with their spouses before marriage. These studies a powerfully Christian point: only a fully committed marriage relationship is really suited to working out the best possible relationship. The life of a single person can be very challenging, but let’s be clear that it doesn’t mean that something is wrong.
Also, remember that marriage is not the answer to all of life’s problems. Married people have problems with loneliness, sexuality and friendships as well. Singles, don’t buy the false idea: “If I was only married, all the problems would go away.” What is important is for you to come to terms with yourself as an valued person in God’s sight.
Indeed being single can also be a blessing based on what Paul is talking about here. You have a distinct advantage in serving God’s kingdom. Are you taking full advantage of your single status?
Now a word to those who are married. We must accept the singles of this church for the great value they have. They are invaluable workers with great resources. Let’s not be so much a “family church” that we overlook the resources of our single members.
Moreover, I encourage you to fully accept the singles of this church. They may have needs you may well be in a position to fill. Invite them over for meals, offer them hugs to communicate love and friendship. We as the church can be the place where we can find the relationships that we need.
But the final point is that, whether married or single, our utmost desire must be for our Lord Jesus. If we have that desire, than our relationships, whether in marriage or with other friends will be in proper balance. But our desire must be first and foremost for our Lord and not for the things of this world. There are good things that can slow us down in our walk with God.
The army of Alexander the Great was advancing on Persia. At one critical point, it appeared that his troops might be defeated. The soldiers had taken so much plunder from their previous campaigns that they had become weighted down and were losing their effectiveness in combat. Alexander immediately commanded that all the spoils be thrown into a heap and burned. The men complained bitterly, but soon came to see the wisdom of the order. Someone wrote, “It was as if wings had been given to them — they walked lightly again.” Victory was assured.
As soldiers of Christ we must rid ourselves of anything that would hinder us in the conflict. Let’s make certain that we are all, married or single, pressing forward in our lives of service to Christ.

Digging Deeper

As I write this today, there are workers in our sanctuary repairing the water damage from our leaking roof. As you know, we have had water problems for some time and the sanctuary ceiling was looking very dirty and stained. When we talked with the contractor about fixing the ceiling, he had hoped that it might be an easy repair. He was hoping to just strip off the textured ceiling, fix some of the bad drywall and that would be it. However, knowing how much water had been coming in, we asked that he look deeper.

When he did look deeper behind the drywall and the insulation, we could see that while the extent of the water damage was not as bad as it could have been, there was still a fair amount of damage nonetheless. The roof decking was black with some mold and in some places, the wood was almost rotted through. Clearly this was going to be a bigger repair than simply repainting the ceiling.

We are very thankful to God, however, that the main beams are sound and the vast majority of the roof is sound. Moreover, we also thank God that we have a contractor who truly understands the problem and wanted to work with us at solving the whole problem. Not only will he make the ceiling look as good as new, he also helped us to fully understand the nature of the original problem and will be fixing that as well.

On the Saturday before the work began, I met with the contractor and the person who would be repairing the drywall in the ceiling. The drywall worker looked at the ceiling and said that he didn’t think it was too bad and that he thought we could just strip off the texture and repaint and we would be good to go. However, it was only when we went deeper that the full extent of the problem became apparent.

Probing deeper was more expensive and created more headaches and hassles but in doing so, we got to the root of the problem and we’ll end up with a better roof and ventilation system than what ever had. However, all of this would have been missed if we had gone with just making things look better and not dug deeper.

As Christians, we tend to want to fix the outside. We are concerned about how we appear on the outside. We want to have the appearance that we are good and nice even though we suspect that inside we are a mess of sin. But as long as we appear outwardly nice, we tend to be comfortable.

I am so glad that God looks deeply into our hearts and sees the real problems and needs. He looks right past our attempts to look so nice and presentable and sees us as we really are: full of sin, rebellion and selfishness. And through the Bible and the working of the Holy Spirit, God pulls back layer after layer of our sin and exposes it. He helps us to see that we are completely covered in sin. He shows us that the only way we can be made new is not by just making us look nicer, but by radically changing us. Through Christ, God removes the sin that is buried in our lives and then through the Holy Spirit, God replaces what was rotten with what is good.

And this is not a short process. The sanctuary ceiling repairs have taken longer than what we thought. The repairs to our hearts will take our lifetime or until Jesus comes again. But make no mistake, God is making us to be far better than what we could ever have been if we had tried just sprucing up our lives. God went to the root of our problem, took out the sin and is making us into the kind of people that God wants us to be so that we can do the things God wants us to be doing.

Sometimes as we go through this, the process is painful. Many times we don’t like our old sin stripped off and removed but God knows us, loves us and is doing for us and to us what is best for us. God takes it right to the core of our sinful problem and removes it. Thanks be to God!

Pastor Jerry
May 2010